Do I Stay Or Do I Run? Surviving Cheating
One of the frequently asked questions that people ask is how they can save a relationship after cheating has occurred. Let’s say that you are a married couple, or you are in a close long term relationship when one of you has cheated and then the other has chosen to forgive.
Once this occurs, generally people could think that after there is a crack in your relationship, things will be exceptionally tricky to solve; very much like a broken vase where you can cement back the pieces, but they will not be quite the same ever again. But is this always the case? Not necessarily. This is particularly true if you choose to forgive, forget, heal the relationship and allow things a second chance.
Not only can things in your relationship be brought back together again but your relationship has the possibility to be something way more precious than ever before. Does this take hard work? Certainly, but with love as the motivation it is fulfilling work. The catch is, this is absolutely a job that takes two!
The Healing Process
In order for you to have a head start in saving your relationship, logically, the cheating partner has to be fully on board and give up his or her lover with no reservations, no hesitation and no looking back. Then, the person who has been cheated on also has to be prepared to forgive and let go. This is never the simplest thing to do, and even though it may well be easy to say I forgive you, this is only the first small step. Once you forgive a cheating partner, it can take a long while until you truly sense the forgiveness in your heart, but just the same, it begins with your decision.
You can say that forgiveness is instantaneous by the simply uttering the words I forgive you, but in actuality, it takes time for this forgiveness to feel genuine and real. Do not be surprised or confused when this happens, it is entirely natural and happens 100% of the time.
Getting Past the Pain
There are layers of forgiveness which exist when it comes to something so deep as dealing with an affair and working through the multiple deep issues. One layer is often recognizing that not only should you forgive your cheating partner, but you must also forgive yourself. In most instances, this is part of the healing process which a lot of people actually miss.
In order for you to become completely healed, you will need to be able to forgive yourself and consider yourself blameless. There is no space for guilt with forgiveness, and if you are considering yourself to blame for the demise of your relationship, that must finish. There are two individuals involved that share accountability for harming the relationship so seldom, if ever, is the breakdown in a relationship totally the fault of one or the other person. This, however, can not justify engaging in an affair, it just implies that you cannot hold yourself entirely to blame for the problems in your relationship, so do not let that happen. As soon as you see those sorts of feelings occur, realize those feelings are unfounded, and just untrue.
Only when you have really forgiven yourself and your cheating partner, will you be able to rebuild trust, where slowly, but surely it will return to your relationship. Everything is going to get better, so do not let this keep you down. You will get though this.
By: Michael K.