Cards You’ll Never See At Hallmark

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“I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.”

“I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you.”

“Looking back over the years that we’ve been together, I can’t help but wonder: What the heck was I thinking?”

“As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you’re not here to ruin it for me.”

“If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it’s your sister.”

“As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you’ve given me. Like the need for therapy…”

“Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!”

“Money is tight, times are hard, here’s your @#$/& Christmas card!!!”

“Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You’ll probably need it again.”

“Someday I hope to get married, but not to you.”

“Sorry things didn’t work out, but I can’t handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine.”

“I just want you to know that I’m sorry for what happened, especially since you survived.”

“Happy Birthday! You look great for your age… Almost Lifelike!

“Congratulations on getting married! It’s not every day you decide to ruin your life!”

“I always wanted to be rich, powerful, and well respected. While I’m dreaming, I wish you weren’t so damn ugly.”

“When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broken up, I think it’s time you kept your promise.”

“Just remember… Jesus Loves You – Everyone else thinks you’re a jerk!”

“The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won’t be with you, since I’m taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!”

“I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here’s his leash, water bowl and chew toys.”

“We have been friends for a very long time, let’s say we call it quits.”

“I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost like you’re here.”

“If you ever need a friend, buy a dog.”

“Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?”

“If you didn’t have any money, I’d still love you. And miss you very much.”

“Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday — so we’re having you put to sleep.”

“Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!”

 

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Do I Stay Or Do I Run? Surviving Cheating

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One of the frequently asked questions that people ask is how they can save a relationship after cheating has occurred. Let’s say that you are a married couple, or you are in a close long term relationship when one of you has cheated and then the other has chosen to forgive.

Once this occurs, generally people could think that after there is a crack in your relationship, things will be exceptionally tricky to solve; very much like a broken vase where you can cement back the pieces, but they will not be quite the same ever again. But is this always the case? Not necessarily. This is particularly true if you choose to forgive, forget, heal the relationship and allow things a second chance.

Not only can things in your relationship be brought back together again but your relationship has the possibility to be something way more precious than ever before. Does this take hard work? Certainly, but with love as the motivation it is fulfilling work. The catch is, this is absolutely a job that takes two!

The Healing Process

In order for you to have a head start in saving your relationship, logically, the cheating partner has to be fully on board and give up his or her lover with no reservations, no hesitation and no looking back. Then, the person who has been cheated on also has to be prepared to forgive and let go. This is never the simplest thing to do, and even though it may well be easy to say I forgive you, this is only the first small step. Once you forgive a cheating partner, it can take a long while until you truly sense the forgiveness in your heart, but just the same, it begins with your decision.

You can say that forgiveness is instantaneous by the simply uttering the words I forgive you, but in actuality, it takes time for this forgiveness to feel genuine and real. Do not be surprised or confused when this happens, it is entirely natural and happens 100% of the time.

Getting Past the Pain

There are layers of forgiveness which exist when it comes to something so deep as dealing with an affair and working through the multiple deep issues. One layer is often recognizing that not only should you forgive your cheating partner, but you must also forgive yourself. In most instances, this is part of the healing process which a lot of people actually miss.

In order for you to become completely healed, you will need to be able to forgive yourself and consider yourself blameless. There is no space for guilt with forgiveness, and if you are considering yourself to blame for the demise of your relationship, that must finish. There are two individuals involved that share accountability for harming the relationship so seldom, if ever, is the breakdown in a relationship totally the fault of one or the other person. This, however, can not justify engaging in an affair, it just implies that you cannot hold yourself entirely to blame for the problems in your relationship, so do not let that happen. As soon as you see those sorts of feelings occur, realize those feelings are unfounded, and just untrue.

Only when you have really forgiven yourself and your cheating partner, will you be able to rebuild trust, where slowly, but surely it will return to your relationship. Everything is going to get better, so do not let this keep you down. You will get though this.

By: Michael K.

A Little Courtroom Humor

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These are from a book called “Disorder In The Court” and are things people said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters – who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere

How To Ask Her Out

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There are tons of men who wish to know how to ask a woman out, but usually they just read numerous theories without actual courage to apply it because the possibility of rejection is simply too intimidating for them. Some men still can handle simple rejection; but in some cases, it is followed by humiliation from the other girls or her group. For this one, only a handful of guys can deal with it properly. If you desperately want to know how to ask a woman out, you’ll need to be ONE of these guys; this is one iron rule that you must keep in mind.

Generally there are no trouble-free methods that can ensure you will be 100% accepted since there are way too many factors which you cannot control; even an alpha male is certain to get rejection every once in awhile. You’ll want to learn how to deal with rejection well; remember that there are tons of alternatives available out there.

If you’re planning to ask her out, I assume you’ve known her fairly well or at least you already have a conversation with her. Learn how to realize the signal; if she seems uninterested or her eyes keep checking the nearby area while talking to you, your chance will be pretty slim. Anyway, if she looks bored, I would suggest you move on, yet you may still have small chance, so it’s your call.

On the other hand, if she looks fascinated, keeping her eyes on you, and her body language shows that she loves her time with you, proceed to the next step. Do not waste your breath beating around the bush by say something such as “you know, I have a nice car parked outside and I would really like to know if you interested in joining me on…”; simply ask her out. Use straightforward sentences such as “Would you want to go out this weekend?” or “May I buy you dinner next week?” are sufficient. If you wish to be less “intimidating”, feel free to use something friendlier such as “Want to have a coffee later?”; however, dinner perhaps may be a better choice because it means you are asking her on a date.

While anyone that understand how to ask a woman out may suggest dinner, that is not always the best option. Within your conversation with her, you may get a thing or two that she likes and you can use this to your advantage. If she loves to watch sports games like basketball or baseball, you can ask her to go to the game with you. If she loves watching movie, tell her that you would love to watch -movie title- with her. Simply adapt your invitation with something you’ve learned about her. Remember to make sure that you enjoy the activity too; if you are going to the place half-heartedly, she’ll realize it and you may end up on an unpleasant date.

Learning how to ask a woman out through memorizing numerous clever lines might help, but that most crucial point is your courage to TRULY express what you want without being scared of rejection. It is not necessary to make this even more tricky by studying each and every lines from all those dating gurus, simply use straightforward sentence so she’ll catch what you mean immediately.

By: Alan Robinson

3 Things Men Like But Rarely Talk About

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Even though society usually pushes men towards being more straightforward and honest than it does to women, there are still quite a few things men like and try to embrace as being parts of themselves but rarely every talk about, such as:

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Feminism and Human Rights

Feminism isn’t about equality, feminism is about human rights.

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First Date Dos and Don’ts

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I seem to have anchored euphoria and excitement to the words ‘First Date’. I feel giddy whenever I hear those words, and pictures flood my mind’s eye. Truth be told though, first dates are also subjected to the duality of life; it either turns out good, or becomes to perfect script to a horror flick. Following certain rules and approaches can increase your odds of having a good first date.

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7 Ways to Show You Really Care

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Appreciate the person: Thank the person for what they are to you. Notice the small things that they do for you and thank them for it. No one likes to be taken for granted.

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Myth Busters – Sex Myths and Facts

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Sex! My favorite three-letter word. It is a tough job to find another experience that surpasses the overall sexual experience. If you’re wondering how, our store is a least a step in the right direction!┬áLike every popular and enjoyable human activity, sex is shrouded in myths. I’m sure you will find one below you used to pride yourself for knowing as a fact. Here are some myths that have been debunked by science:

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What is High Energy Sex?

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My sincerest wish for men is that they can experience the ecstasy of high energy sex as often as possible and learn new ways to stop having low energy sex!

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